Thursday, February 23, 2012

Was I screwed up for dating this guy?

When I was 19 I was a total mess. My mum was a single mum and I didnt see my dad anymore because he used to hit me.



I had no self esteem and I felt really alone because my mum had 2 much younger kids and she couldnt really give me what I needed emotionally. She also drank heavily for 2 years and even called child protective services and told them to take the other kids away. I basically had to hold my family together during this.



I started binge drinking, taking overdoses of pills and I felt so alone and lost.



When i was 19 i met a 30 year old guy. I wasnt attracted to his looks at all but he was really nice to me so i decided to date him.



I was basically a huge mess and i wanted someone to look after me and he offered me that. I dated him even though i wasnt attracted because i had huge emotional problems and i just needed someone mature to help me deal with them.



He let me move in with him, financially supported me and gave me heaps of emotional support when I was down. But i was too embarassed to introduce him to my friends and i felt like a loser dating a guy that much older.



I was basically a suicidal mess when i met him. I was doing things like sleeping in a back lane at night to get away from my mum.



I kind of regret dating him for some reasons - because I wasnt really attracted although I did start loving him because he was really nice to me and basically did anything for me.



I had no self esteem and I was working in a burger shop and he helped me believe in myself and get into university and I even came top of my university because I finally had someone who loved me unconditionally. At the time i just felt i didnt have a choice - i was going to end up dead if i didnt find someone to take care of me.



Do you think I'm very screwed up for what I did? I did end up loving him but I do feel bad that I basically needed someone to take care of me and the relationship was based on thatWas I screwed up for dating this guy?
Not at all. You did the right thing. Quit thinking about the past and focus on your future. I am totally mentally screwed up for different reasons but one thing I learned is that I shouldnt have any regrets for my actions.

Hugs.

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